Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize