I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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