I want to stick my p in your. b.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
