the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
