An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
