fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
