she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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