marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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