do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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