I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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