I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
So squirting runs in the family.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize