I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
