Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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