Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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