I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
