i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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