At least make sure they are 18
Why
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize