It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
