And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
