My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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