I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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