I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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