OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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