You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I want her autograph on my taint
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
