Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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