yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize