Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
