I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
