Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
