i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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