so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The beer is more important than you right now.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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