today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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