if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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