We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
why is half of my head shaved?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
