i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize