I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
