He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
