Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
A+ Viking dick
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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