the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
