why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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