what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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