we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
