How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
