i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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