so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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