Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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