I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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