dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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