so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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