all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
