Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
