happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
