Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
