i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
