He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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