I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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