i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Actions speak louder than pants.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
