I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Randomize