Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
