i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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