no you cant smoke seaweed
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
