You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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