i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
