The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
