Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
