We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
