We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
