just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
