She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
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