Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
home. puking in laundry basket.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
