Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
