Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
