Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
