My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
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