something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
