Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
