In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
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