I like my sex mixed with concussions.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
