I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize