So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
We need to rekindle our bromance
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
